writing

Each night for three nights

Each night for three nights I have been restless. I settle in until I go to bed, I drop off, but then I go to some strange places in my unconscious.

Each night for three nights I have had exquisitely vivid dreams. The architecture, light, and customs remind me of our world, but I know the difference.

Each night for three nights I have dreamed of promises vacated. I have dreamed of responsibilities left untended. I have dreamed of realities canceled before they could start.

At first, I was myself and someone else….

I kept slipping back and forth between being me and being a protagonist I was watching. I’ve always done this in dreams, since I was a child – I expect everyone does. I/we were supposed to be part of the remainders of humanity that stayed after the world we know winked out of existence with some unseen apocalypse.

I was myself and I was another woman. Was I young or old? I may have been a different race. I may have spoken a different language. I/we repaired to lightly forested area. I/we tended an elder who was sometimes a man, sometimes a woman. I/we planted for this elder, did laundry, kept the household going even though there was literally no point anymore.

I was myself and I was another woman. I ran around trying to get the other remainder people to meet and restart the City Called Glory. Glory was supposed to be the womb. Glory was supposed to be the example. Romantic perhaps, heavyhanded, perhaps, but Glory was supposed to come first and the world would come back. We were all supposed to bad together and do something to re-start Glory.

The other people – I/we didn’t really see them. All I can recall is trying to go around and gather them. For what? A ritual? A meeting? A quorum of dimensional orphans? But there was some group action we were supposed to take. This failed. The only thing I recollect from the dreams was seeing cars drive out of a field at twilight, and a sense of buzzing disappointment. It could have been different.

I was myself and I was another woman. And I was again left alone to pick up the pieces at the end of the world.

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